I m back ..... ( Rather Trying to )

Happy new year !!!!

I m retaking up this blogging love of mine... Or should I say my friend Anu (Anita ) http://sliceofmylyfe.wordpress.com/ made me take this up.. Have been reading her blog week after week and just wanted to get back to blogging myself....

So here I go... I m a changed person from what I was when I last wrote in this... I have changes all around me.. its in work, life, personal... to be more specific... I have changed my place of work ( Client Site ) , the place I live ( In-Laws place)... I m married...

I guess this says a lot about it.... So now that I get very little time for myself.. but still I wanna be regular in here...

So with this note I wish u all a wonderful year with welcome changes :) ...

Happy 2011

Kisko dhoondti hain aakhen ???

It was another Sunday, when Sarita as per her weekly routine got ready to go to the temple. It has been 11 months since she shifted to this city of temples, and didn’t even realized it, ofcourse time flies…

It has become a routine for her to go to this temple every Sunday. She likes going there. Journey to the temple is another story… Changing the auto three times and early in the morning listening to the autowala’s shouting for their destination. Some how over the months she has got used to this city and its ways. She loves to watch the varied people heading to the temple. Everyone with wishes and dreams, praying to the almighty.

The temple is famous for mariage, that’s what Sarita thinks, since every week she gets to witness a couple getting married. Its so nice to see the temple bubbling with people. Multicoloured sarees all combinations available. Ladies nicely wearing the gajra walking in with their husbands or Girl friend and boy friend praying to the goddess for her blessing to be together…

People giving pradikshina ( rounds ) of the temple. Her Sunday morning has started to be very very beautiful… All around something or the other going on right from kids playing to people praying to newly married or to be married taking blessing. From coconuts to flowers to lemon to all archana. Taking bibhuti and kumkum to just closing eyes and seeking HER.

But in between all this Sarita searches for someone, not today but every Sunday…. Her eyes keep wondering from corner to corner… but she never finds… What is it that she is looking around for.??? And then she tells herself, he is not here…. Yes she thinks about Arun, someone she truly misses… Whenever she enters the temple she feels and dreams to come to the temple with Arun wearing a silk pattu ( saree) and taking the blessing of the Goddess and then Arun applying her the kumkum as the blessing, giving the pradikshina with him…

Every time she enters the temple she misses him,… When she sees the couple there she feels empty…. But then just prays to the goddess and questions Kyun dhoondti hain meri aakhen usse??? Kahan hai woh???

Life in the russle bustle of Idli Sambhar

I was driving my New Zen Estillo, & listening to the favourite Om Shanti Om Number & imagining the King Khan with his six pack abs & dancing with the numerous bollywood stars when suddenly the alarm rang & I got up only to realize the drive was a dream.

A dream which was reality some time back, to be precise a month back before I landed to this Hyundai City ( At least this is what the welcome board at the Kamaraj Airport Chennai reads )

Life has suddenly changed, I may call it a welcome change… A much needed change may be…A change of place, people, city, food….
The alarm snoozed again & I realized its time to get out of the bed. Pick up the milk packet & put it on the stove (Getting a gas connection in a new city , very difficult). Its time to wash the clothes & do the dishes & then grab a piece of toast & rush to the station. Yes there is a small temple; actually every nook n corner of this city has temples. So pray to God, to make the day’s journey if not relaxing atleast not people jumping over each other. Some how I manage to skip the stare of the numerous well dressed & well decked up with the required make up & gajra ladies waiting for the train, don’t know why but I get a feeling they think I have straight away landed from Mars. ;-)

I mange to get into the train & in the ladies compartment everything is happening right from finishing touches to the sari pleating pins, to the left over application of kajal, to getting to grab some last words before getting to work of your beloved. But everybody seems busy in their own job. In all this activity I find myself staring and looking out for a familiar face, a face which speaks my language or if not speaks atleast understands my language. Like everyday before my search completes the train manages to get my station & I leave it with a half hearted smile…. The mode of transport to cover the distance from the station to my work place is interesting where in a small three wheeler there are 22 feets traveling J atleast. Interesting isn’t it?...

The next eight hours is not worth discussing as it’s the same in any work place except for the food. Suddenly my rajma chawal & chole bhature becomes the most important food & the most delicious food could only be the Roti which my mom makes. But somehow I take whatever is there in the vegetarian platter & stuff myself.

As the sun decides to go down & meet his better half, if at all theres one, I wait to get back home, only to realize that getting back home is just not that easy, I mean again u be two among those 22 feets & then the train. The ladies compartment even if the seats are empty the doors would be full of rush. Trust me I also ask myself the same question as you asking & I don’t have the answer.

Whenever I m getting down the stairs of the station I only smile to myself & think about the dream I had the morning which was a reality a month ago. I in my car with my music on & AC actually helping me keep myself away from all the honking happening in the Norther part of India…. & here I m today taking almost 80 stairs every day of the station & then those share autos to reach my work place.
I ask myself is this all coz of a job???? With this question in my mind I live yet another day of my life & put the alarm on for tomo… Atleast I get to Zen estillo in my dreams…. Sweet Dream zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

An unrhyming Rhyme....

I thought n I thought, but the pain doesn't seem to end at all...
you've been good & you've been great,
The way u've loved & the way you've cared, cannot be changed & cannot be erased...
I wish I cud change either my fate or your mind.
U've decided to move on & you 're sticking to it...
And I wish I cud change just this one bit...
I dont think I can love now ever again in my life....
I pray you get wat you always wish for...
Sometime back I was the 'WISH' you had... &
today the wish list has changed I guess...

Life looks so dull to me today & I wish I could close my eyes today...
To be with u is wat my heart desires only if I cud get wat my heart wants...

Asking my heart why do I love you? It answers me back....

Its U that I love you....


this is just a vague thought from my mind....

Its new year eve!!!

Its another 31st of dec.. The whole world is planning their party... The night is widening its arms & sinking the sky in itself....But I feel lonely... The time seems to fly, another year comes to a halt... but what happens to a lonely heart... I feel the year gone has taken with it my charm....

If I look by & see the year gone... It seems like a beautiful feather... rather a peacock feather which is beautiful & ofcourse flies high & leaves behind nothing.... Thats what i feel like today... I had a roller coaster year & yes I feel I m still in the ride.. the joy ride has not come to a halt... Its still gripped me in its twist turn.. I m laughing & I m crying... The years been one like never before.... there have been bonds for life n bonds which have taken my life....

I know I m wrinting .. dont know what, but I feel lost... I had promised myself not to be in my dreams unturned this day atleast but I cant help.. My heart wants to fly high not to touch the sky but to move away from the pains of the earth... May God bless you all with a wonderful year ahead.... & may I be blessed with my HEART CONTENT.....

Happy 2008

Hmmm------ What a weather

Hmmm, What a lovely weather.... These days the showers are on and off..Seems even God is laughing at us.... Sometimes HE is shedding tears of joy & sometimes sharing the pain of the hundred thousands HE has created!!!!

Today I was travelling to another office & the weather was asking me " Are you in Love??" In turn I felt like asking the weather " are you in love??".....

Then I guess we both realised that we both are in LOVE..... The beautiful feeling LOVE.... The feeling the dogs shows when he wags his tail seeing his master.... The feeling that can be felt in a birds chirping... in the eyes of ur lover..... Hmmm how much I miss the eye game.... The way you suddenly get lost in those eyes & feel that u r almost in a different galaxies.....


Aah!!!! What a beautiful feeling....Oh I almost feel like rolling myself in those arms..... but then the reality bytes..... Come back to my real world of work... coz I have reached the next office......


This 30 mins wonder was all coz of this amazing weather...... Hmmmmm I Love you..... & if you spread ur arms wide you can feel love hugging you from the front almost like Shah Rukh Khan in all his movies..... ;-))..... keep loving & enjoy the weather......

Love makes you feel

Hmmmm Long time I have blogged, but I was just wondering what it is to fall in love???

Falling in love... loving someone to be his, loving the person for what he is... loving him not to change him but to accept him... loving someone to give & not to ask for... Loving with the intention as clear as water.... Hmmm do you know what love is??? Not just the name love, but the whole meaning behind this 4 letter word....

Loving the person as a whole & giving the person your soul..... But I think Love is when you can go to bed at night without wandering here & there but have a sound sleep in his arms & forget all your troubles....

Hmmmmm so do u think I m in love ??? hahahha

Dedicated to - - - - - -- -

Maya's Dreams

"Will this beautiful lady come for a date with me?" he said, Maya didn't know how to react, all she did was blushed & nodded a yes. Then started the story of a storm.... they went for a walk & Sidhharth sang to her songs... Songs of his dreams & her life... Day after day they went out every day spending hours together talking...singing....listening to each others life.... Maya realised that Siddharth is the ONE for her..... With the passage of time they both were more & more sharing & being with each other.... She felt herself like a leaf which is not with its branch & is just flowing with the direction of the wind....Letting herself go wherever the wind storm takes her....But it was beautiful & the time was the best for her.... She cud see the charm in his eyes, which told her every moment "I m yours".... She was melting in his love like the candle melts under the fire light....Not realising that she is loosing her existence under his fire ie his love....

All she knew was that the feeling was new to her & it was something she never felt before.... When Siddharth was around she realised that she was secure & safe... With time they were melting into each other's arms.... Everynight Maya started waiting for the sun to come out & shine so that when the morning unfolds itself, she can see her love also shining with his kind of chicky smile.... But at times she used to wonder whether Siddharth also loves her the way she loves him... Or is he just liking her & just being with her... But whenever such thoughts came near her & gave her the clouds of doubt.... Siddharth's shining eyes & his way of telling her through his eyes that "I need you" cleared those clouds & gave her peace....Peace that her LOVE loved her.... Love was not only in the air but even it was sinking inside her.... Yes She loved him & Maya just wanted to be like democracy to Siddharth ie of him, by him & for him.... Siddharth was occupying her mind, heart & soul ....

Suddenly their induction training ended & they were to go back to Mumbai again & join their responsibilities....So here they landed Maya & Siddharth in their new job with their new work places.... Where Siddharth was enjoying his new seat.......

Waves of life part - II

The HR announced all the new joinees in the Department would have to attend a training of almost about 2 months in Trivandrum...Maya was excited, it was her dream to live alone & be on her own. She was all the more excited coz with the new job she was expecting things to take a good shape for her.
So they started... that was Mid of July.... The weather was at times sweaty & at times rainy.... At times it was as bright as fire and at times it was raining so bad that her white suit made her look beautiful all the more ( thats wat he used to say)...So they travelled & got into the training... She was missing her home, her friends but with time she started enjoying the company & the people...
" You are looking great today." this is wat Siddharth wrote on her mobile when he saw her for the first time in a different attire... After reading it she kept on wondering that how can a person has such a charm...Then day after day every day there was a compliment...
Maya was learning new things in life....Professionally to do well & personally she was being swayed every day... everyday she found herself in a state where she couldn't help but fall in love.... LOVE??? How can this be possible???? Everyday this question killed her but every night she was dreaming about him...

She was changing.... Maya knew that she is not the same girl... She kept on wondering for hours together... Is it love or Is it lust???? But she just had one answer to her limitless questions at night... That she wanted to dream & dream about Siddharth... His charm was sinking in her deeper & deeper day by day... They started spending more and more time with each other...He was just too good...& then one day she decided to tell him about her secret love for him....

Whole day Siddharth kept on wondering what is it that Maya wants to say & he was doubtful whether his doubts would get confirmed & in the evening as everyday when they went for a walk after lot of thinking finally, Maya told him" Siddharth look you may find it wierd but the fact is that I have fallen in love with you. I know you are engaged & I should not be saying all this to you. But all my life I have always expressed what I've felt & this is what I feel for you."
Siddharth was one sweet heart... he kept on looking at her with his very own cheeky smile & then finally told her that "I respect your feelings for me & I welcome you to the gang.I'm old age & once I start coming I'll keep coming."
Maya was on top of the world...Her love was by her side... But she never knew his words would be so true....
Maya was smiling by the sea shore & then she saw the Sunrise said to herself " life could not be more beautiful than this."
Even though Mumbai wakes up early with the Dabbawallas on there duty...Maya was still lost in her dreams of yesterdays....
Back in Trivandrum.....


(Readers wait for the wonderful world of love to unfold in the next part... Live with the dreams of Maya...)

Waves of Life - part 1

Maya is feeling alone... She is wandering at the sea side... Looking at the waves & seeing the dark sky spread across so wide.....She was just thinking & thanking.... Thanking God for giving her a moment with her ownself after a real longtime.... But she was lonely, she was alone.... So she was cursing .... but cursing & thanking at the same time???? Strange. She thought, how could life be this way? But then she had to face the fact or so to say had to dance to tune of life or else she would sink ....Lost in her thoughts she didn't even realise that the chilling water was making her white suit give her the looks of one of those bollywood heroines.... She was completely lost in her memories of past 11 months....

She just wanted to feel the whole thing once & then cut the strings attached and so unperturbed by the water effect she rolled back to the day... yes that was it.... It was a Sunday, already the the market was shimmering with the lights on. It was getting dark but Maya was busy winding up her things & saying good byes to her collegues. She was going to join a new organisation the next day after, her first job ( the so called Corporate world ) was calling her. Yes though this was also an organisation but the culture is very sad. So she was happy & thats y probably she agreed to work even on a sunday to complete her pending job.

She was a loved up girl...Always giggling & that showed coz as she was walking down the staircase her juniors came out & said they gonna miss her... Oh how overwhelmed she was at this thought.... At last she said to herself " I'll miss this office"......

A bright morning, a bright day, a new beginning was awaiting for her... Religiously her ownself she prayed to God & took her elders blessing & started towards the Corporate office where she never new what was waiting for her.... Though she was expecting a lot... Dressed in her best attire & carrying that file of all her required documents she entered that Huge glass building.... All so glossy.... & there he was dressed in purple shirt & offwhite trousers with a briefcase.

While completing the joining formalities, he just peeped at her papers & seeing her address said to her " hey u live in my name!"
" what?"
"U live in Sidharth enclave, right?" he said
" yes" she didn't know what more to say
"My name is Sidharth"
"Ohh... Ok" giggling as her ownself.
So we both are joining in the same Deptt, she thought & suddenly the chilling wave gave her a splash & she realised & smiled" how beautiful it was...."

hmmmmmm

yeah I'm back after along time..... wait for something really new to come in readers

The game---- of LOVE

"Manzilein bhi uski thi,
Raasta bhi uska tha.
Ek main akeli thi,
Kafila bhi uska tha..
Saath-Saath chalne ki soch bhi uski thi,
Fir raasta badalne ka faisla bhi uska tha...
Aaj kyo akeli hoon, Dil sawal karta hai,
Log to uske the, Kya KHUDA bhi uska tha....?????"

Though somebody else's creation but it is exactly how I'm feeling today.....
Some lines that I want to shout & ask but then I know, I 'll not have any answers to my questions....

It feels like I've lived it all & played it all... & now truly feel that I'm unfit for the game....I shud learn to play first, but today I've lost all the desire to play the game....

It's Gone

Today it's gone.....I just kept on seeing & then I let it go.... Its like cutting the strings of your own kite & then see it fly high up in the sky.....Still not sure, that it's not there....

Time & again these words keep coming to me & I keep repeating them....

Today was our decided date but we ended up having no dates ever......

"We met in our fun world, you never realised;
you got me as a friend, you never realised;
I fell in love with you, we never realised;
you left me for life, you never realised;
I waited for you, but you never realiesd;

Tommorow I won't be there, you won't realise it then;
But when you will realise it,
I won't be there to realise it that you have realised it.
So, if you want to realise it realise it now !!!!"

This beautiful poem by a wonderful friend of mine surely describes my feelings!!!!!
What a life???? It feels like just a second ago when it all started.....

Its a year friends

Its dedicated to those people who joined HCL with me on the same day....In short in for the CA energizers....Coz we complete a year together on this 22nd of Jun'06 in HCL....

The times we shared is like shooting star... the timeis short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in ourhearts.... Friendsforever~!!!
The beautiful moments that all of us have shared has again came rolling down my memory lane....The fun, the games, the training, the celebrations!!!! all of them...We have lived it all....Thanks to all of you ( CA energizers) for adding beautiful pages to my book of life....

Always be safe & always be happy & make this world a much better place to live in....

Cheers

Have been tagged....

As Deepa tagged me I am writing all that I feel

I am thinking about....Dark temptation as I'm hungry.
I said.....Love you darling.
I want to..... live life queensize
I wish....everybody is happy.
I miss....Lot of dear ones in my life who I don't get to see very often.
I hear..... lot of lovely songs which u can hear only thru ur heart......
I regret....as of now nothing & dont wanna do that rest of my life.....
I am ......an obsessed lover & an angel ( hahaha)
I dance.....on the beats, every time I hear music....Its my passion.
I sing.....in the bathroom or when I'm alone.
I cry ...... when I am low
I am not always...... in my best of mood
I make with my hands......Food...I love cooking especially if its for my .....
I write about...... mostly Love coz I believe its the BEST feeling one can feel.
I confuse ....dont wanna do that
I need..... love.
I should..... try to be more diplomatic in dealing with people.
I start.....with a sunshine smile everyday...
I finish.....nothing that I know of as of now
Wats life?.....its to be lived evry moment without regret :))


And now I'm tagging Nikunj

SPRING

Theek hai mil gayi hai zindagi, chaahi ki anchaahi.
Is safar mein tum kahan se mil gaye rahi....

Life has so much of twist & turns.....Just some days back I was so upset about something, that I blasted out a friend & then cursed my ownself for doing so....& yesterday I again came across something that i donno how to move ahead from here.....At times I truly wonder that how can I make such a wrong choice in my life....How can I???? I just donno what to do now? What next for me????? shud I just let it go ???? or shud I still stick to it & wait???? Will I be awarded???? hmmmmmm & now again I think that its life, & there is so much more to it .... I just have to widen my horizon.....& then again there will be spring, yes I have to trust that there will be spring again & I'll get my share of spring again....Till that time all you guys just enjoy your share of spring

Baatein Dil se

Kitna bhi Chaho na bhool paoge humein,
Jitni door jaoge najdeek paoge humein,
Mitta sakte ho toh mitta lo khwabo se,
Magar kya yadoon se juda kar paoge humein????


Mat intezaar karao humein itna,
Ke waqt ke faisle par afsos ho jaaye,
Kya pata kal tum laut ke aao aur hum khamosh ho jaayein....

These are my heart felt lines...Dil ko kuch is kadar chhoo gayi hain ki aaj in labzon ko likhne wale par pyar aata hai....You guys must be thinking I'm all dreaming in LOVE...You are right....Love gets the best out of you...Be it your talent or your deepest desire or your deepest feelings...Keep loving

LOVE

Wherever we are, be near or far.
However we do, be poor or good.
There would be times when we would not be hearing of each other,
but the times & moments we have shared & cared,
for each other would always be there, right in our heart sacred,
which would not fade till the time we are dead.
In times of trouble when everybody would walk out,
just remember there’s me standing near the corner waiting for your sight,
And a blink of your stars would let me know,
that you need my shoulders too, as I need you…


Now this is again for my love... At times I keep wondering, Is it actually Love? God knows!!! Hmmmm but whatever it is, its beautiful...I Love him, Yes I love him...He is so different but yes I love him...Now please don't ask me his name...Its the wonderful feeling...Close your eyes & remember the spring season, or the chilling winter night & who is that person who comes to your mind...Caught you!!!!...Yes even you are in love...Love it & Keep Loving...

Love

Chale wo kadam-kadam jo saath mere, to uske saath se pyar ho jaaye...
Thaame jo pyar se haath mera, to apne haath se pyar ho jaaye...
Jis raat aaye khwaabon me wo, us raat se pyar ho jaaye...
Jis baat mein aaye jikra uska, usi baat se pyar ho jaaye...
Jab pukare pyar se mera naam, to apne naam se pyar ho jaaye...
Hota hai itna khoobsurat ye pyar agar, to kaash usse bhi mere pyar se pyar ho jaaye...


I read these lines & realised that love is beautiful but painful & was just analyzing that whether the beauty outweighs pain or is it the other way round....

Dream Lover

Do you miss me?, as I do,
Do you love me?, as I do,
Are you there to hear me through?
All this questions & many more, I keep wondering through.

It seems like a decade, since I saw you,
It feels like all seasons passed, one by one.
Why do I feel this desire in me?
To see you, feel you & love you all the more time & again.

People go & people come,
But my eyes keep waiting for the only one.
Are you there? Can you feel me?
Do you love me? As I do
Do you miss me ? As I do.

Aakhir Kyun

Aaj main madhosh si ho rahi hoon kyun?
Apne mein hi gum si ho rahi hoon kyun?

Toote hue patte ke jaise udti ja rahi hoon kyun?
Khinchi si tere aagosh mein chali aa rahi hoon kyun?

Teri nighaon mein basna chahti hoon kyun?
Teri saanso mein samaana chahti hoon kyun?

Nahin mil rahe inn sawalon ke jawaab kyun?
Tum hi aa kar bata jao ki "aakhir kyun?"

This is a refined Kyun for all of you & is not purely my creation...but definitely better than the one already posted out there...

Kahan ho tum

Kahan ho tum, ki aa jao ki main kho gayi hoon,
Kahan ho tum, ki aa jao ki main ro gayi hoon.
Yeh kaisi ghari hai aaj ki kuch bhi achha nahin hai,
Yeh kehte ho ki main hansti rahoon sada, par main khud mein nahin hoon.
Par meri hansi ko khud hi le gaye ho tum aapne saath mein hi
Kahan ho tum ki aa jao to main hansne lagungi
Kahan ho tum, ki tumhare bin main bikhar gayi hoon.
Tumhare bus chhu jaane se, main khilti thi phool ki tarah,
Tumhare ahsaas bhar se main naach uthti thi main more ki tarah.
Kahan ho tum ki meri aisi pariksha na lo tum
Kahan ho tum, ki aa jao ki main kho gayi hoon.

please come back & I promise to smile always ....

Kyun?

Aaj main madhosh si ho rahi hoon kyun?
Khud hi khud mein gum si ho rahi hoon kyun?
Ho gayi hoon toota patta, udti ja rahi hoon main
Jis jagah chaho udake le chalo mujhe,
Ya toh mujhko sameitlo apni nigahon mein
Band karlo mujhko apni panahon mein
Dorr meri todd do saare jagat se tum
Aur mujhko jorr lo khud mein samalo tum.
Aaj main madhosh si ho rahi hoon kyun?

I had written this on a day when we were together & had spent so much time together, "TOGETHER ", yes thats the word, where we are linked truly heart to heart...He had praised me, yes i could see it in his eyes...this world would never realise, what it(the feeling) is?... It is so plain & simple & yet so complicated...yes it(the feeling) is & it(feeling) would be ...FOREVER

It's Me

A- absolute beauty personified as you
N- never knew when I fell for you
K- know now that I care for you
U- understand that I really need you
R- realise that I love you.

This is Ananya Anks for you....I'm starting my blog with these lines written for me by my love & I truly treasure this...

Live life queen size...This is what i follow...